Another Beginning
by XxSquiggles101xX
Summary: After losing Sirius to the Veil, Harry doesn’t take it well and decides to take fate into his own hands. In other words, taking his own life.
1. The End Before The Beginning

He hadn't meant for this to happen, not in the way it did. He always thought he would end up dying by saving the world from Lord Voldemort yet again, but here he was. Drenched in his own blood.

Only minutes before he had put a razor blade to his wrists and drank half a bottle of Fire whiskey, in an attempt to lessen the pain. He had again lost another person close to him. Not only was the person his godfather but also the one he killed because of his own stupidity.

His vision was getting blurry and he could no longer stand on his own, but he thought it was what he deserved for killing his own godfather.

Stumbling to the ground of the room he once shared with Ron back in the summer before the fifth year. He saw only the wood flooring before collapsing on the dusty bed.

It felt like only seconds ago that he saw his godfather die when in reality it was days. He couldn't tell the date or time anymore. Everything felt distant and bleak. The only man to accept Harry and love him for who he was and not as The-Boy-Who-Lived, was gone.

These dark thoughts followed him everywhere and everyone seemed worried about him but he knew better. He knew the wistful looks from Remus was only an act because he too blamed Harry for his best friend's death. And Hermione and Ron's attempts at reassuring him that it wasn't his fault were lies.

It seemed like the only thing Harry thought he was good at was getting people killed. Even as an infant he had gotten his parents killed by being a target during Voldemort's war.

He tried to lift the Fire Whiskey to finish the bottle off but it seemed he had no strength left. The blood loss was dwindling his strength. He felt his body shutting down and his breathing getting shallow. He dropped the bottle no longer having the strength to hold it.

He closed his eyes feeling drained and exhausted. But feeling as though someone was watching him, he opened his eyes with difficulty and saw something that made his heart ache.

Standing above him was the only person in the world that he missed more than ever. But that was impossible. Sirius Black was dead. Slaughtered like the rest of his friends and family by malicious death eaters. He wanted to plead to this ghost and ask for its forgiveness. Tears were forming in his eyes because he knew he didn't deserve forgiveness from the man he led to his death.

Blinking the tears away, he knew what he was seeing had to be a trick of his mind. It was absurd. The man he considered his father was standing before him, smiling with his right hand outstretched to him. But this had to be a dream or vision...or maybe...maybe...he was...finally dying. It wasn't a terribly sad thought. He hadn't expected to live this long, so really it exceeded his expectations.

Still, that didn't explain why his deceased friend was here. He felt weak and tired. He wanted to give in and let his eyes shut again and let go of all the pain. Perhaps he could join his godfather in his seemingly painless world.

The war has taken everything from him. His friends, his classmates, and now his very own life. Then again it was his fault that he was dying at the moment. He could stop the blood from draining his body and call for someone to save his life. But the room was spinning and he knew he wouldn't be able to walk in his condition. In the end, the least that he could do was to let go and accept his death with grace.

The room felt hot compared to his cold, clammy body. The bed he laid on was stiff, but that was to be anticipated. He was at 12 Grimmauld Place in London. The first place he went to after Sirius hadn't reappeared from The Veil.

Immersed in his thoughts he hadn't noticed that his godfather had kneeled next to his battered body. He was still smiling and had his hand outstretched. Though upon closer inspection, he saw tears streaming down his face.

Oh, Sirius. So much has happened since I last saw you.

With the last of his strength, Harry looked into the apparition of Sirius and softly spoke his last words before losing consciousness.

"I'm sorry"


	2. Back Again

Harry opened his eyes and waited for them to adjust to the small dark room he had appeared in. The room was cramped and cold, but also familiar. Harry frowned to himself, he was supposed to be dead. Right? Where was he? Is this the afterlife? It couldn't be, could it? Maybe the whole thing was a dream. Nothing more than a bad nightmare. Hope filled Harry at the thought that it was a dream and the possibility of Sirius still being alive. Except...no...Sirius was still dead and Harry was left with a bad taste in his mouth.

Curling into a fetal position on the bed, Harry felt sick to his stomach at the thought of Sirius' death. It was his fault Sirius was dead and yet it seemed he was still alive. But how? Hadn't he cut his wrist and lost a lot of blood. He thought so but he didn't feel like he had just died, so where was he?

Taking in his surroundings with curiosity and fervor. He finally understood where he woke up.

The Cupboard.

Harry let out a broken gasp and sat up on the edge of the bed. Hyperventilating, panic gripped Harry as he clawed at his chest. No...it couldn't be. The cupboard Harry had grown up in as a child. Why was he here? Why here of all places?

He couldn't handle being here again. Aunt Petunia's screeches, Vernon's grubby hands that hurt when on the receiving side of a punch, and Dudley's degrading comments of how worthless he was, was too much to deal with again. He couldn't handle the dreadful memories that came with the Dursley's and his past involving them.

He tried to calm his breathing before it turned into a full on panic attack. The cramped room didn't help him any. Finally controlling his breathing, Harry closed his eyes and laid back on the small bed. As he got his breath back, he heard footsteps coming closer to his cupboard door. The creaking floor broads portrayed that it was Aunt Petunia coming to wake him up, to start breakfast for the other occupants of the house.

"You better be up to start breakfast for my special Duddykins birthday!" Harry heard Petunia's shrill voice from the other side of the door.

"Uh...Yes, of course, Aunt Petunia" Harry replied distantly.

Reaching for a pair of Dudley's old clothes, Harry dressed quickly and prepared himself for today's events. Opening the cupboard door slowly, he peeked out and saw that the house was exactly as he remembered it to be when he was a kid.

"Oh, bloody hell" Harry muttered, feeling his heart race and breath quicken.

"What are you doing boy! Get a move on!" Vernon's command threw Harry into motion.

Harry scrambled into the kitchen and started breakfast like he remembered doing in the past. Harry couldn't help that his mind wondered while he cooked. He was in the past! Surely that meant this was all a dream. Yet, everything felt so real.

After serving the Dursley's breakfast, Harry fled to the bathroom and locked the door. Sitting on the lid of the toilet, he rocked back and forth with his head nestled between his heads.

He was losing his mind. He was back in his childhood house living in the cupboard under the stairs. He was a kid again! That must mean he was about to turn eleven and attend Hogwarts. The knocking on the door shook Harry from his thought.

"Come on boy! You are going with us to the Zoo! Don't make trouble! If you do, I will lock you in the cupboard till Christmas! NOW HURRY UP" Vernon's threats sent Harry in a flurry of motion.

Of course, Harry finally realized that today is the day I release the Boa Constrictor from the Zoo! Maybe he could make it so that today won't go so terrible. He reached for the doorknob and joined the rest of the Dursley's in the car preparing for one of the worst days of his life.

Despite his best efforts, the snake still escaped and he was still blamed for the incident and sent to his cupboard. But it didn't matter he just had to hold on until he got his letter for Hogwarts. With that thought, Harry made a mental list of things he needed to do. First was to get to Hogwarts and speak to Dumbledore. The second was to get Sirius out of Azkaban no matter what it took. The rest he would figure out later.

Harry waited for the day his letter would come and send his plans into motion. He dozed off with tears in his eyes to the thought of seeing his godfather again.


End file.
